Art of managing marital life
Introduction:
Family represents one of the most important social institutions and the oldest known human societies throughout the ages, and the family is the base station in an individual's life; as imbued in which the standards and values of the society, the individual living within the family and learns through socially acceptable standards. The station marry one of the most important events in the life of every young man and a girl as representing this station basic and necessary step for stability and build a family and independence from the big family life or family basis, and composition of the nucleus of the new family in the community. Despite the importance of marriage in the life of every person, every young man and woman, but there are some difficulties and problems that may face the couple inside wedlock hinder enjoy this new life.
We will try in this part of the book shed light on marital life and how it can be managed effectively, and Sir life vessel to safety. Although the marital life has faced many difficulties and problems everyday but we will focus here on after one of the dimensions of marital disputes, a social communication between spouses.
And our focus on this dimension does not mean neglecting other aspects, but it aims to shed light on the issue hesitate a lot of contacts family; since complain many of the wives of the absence of dialogue actor with their husbands, as concentrated a lot of complaints on lack of knowledge of wives, husbands, both the assets of the proper handling of the husband or the husband is unable to understand or understand the needs of his wife or something like that repeated differences do not necessarily reflect the absence of a method actor dialogue between the spouses.
Many wives and husbands strongly wondering about the reasons for the dispute between them permanent, and the proper ways to cope with marital disputes, and how could يخططا for a happy married life. These questions all start from the axis of the proper understanding of the mechanisms to deal with the other partner. There are a number of steps the couple must understand; because it helps to build relationships happily married and we will try to shed light on aspects that cause the common marital disputes as a result of the lack of proper communication between spouses.
As the majority of the social problems related to married life, which we have reviewed in the previous pages of this book is the product of lack of knowledge of methods best to deal in married life, and in this part of the book we will review twenty base to handle optimization in married life; perhaps be useful for husbands and wives to get rid of the problems and obstacles marital as follows:
The first rule: Find the missing model:
The development of vision or ideal model for the other party is a threat to married life in the beginning, and any change in the pattern of this model after marriage cause of the marital relationship a lot of jerks and shocks. The girl who bear in mind an integrated model of the pair may not find it in her partner, as well as the husband who is looking at his girl for model imagined in his mind and wants to يسقطه on his partner will face a lot of problems when it does not become a partner by Decree model in advance.
So At the end of the relationship (husband and wife) understanding from the outset that married life is a company which should provide both sides concessions to the other party and have a willingness to adapt to the other party, and to provide all possible to facilitate their life together. Life is a project of marital require sacrifices from both sides to make it a success.
The second rule: comparison with husbands (wives) Others:
The Almighty God created each one of us the pros and cons as well that both of us have advantages and disadvantages and often show the best we have in front of others and do not know insider only through cohabitation and daily life. When a couple begins the march of their marriage contract comparisons with others, they govern the institution of marriage failure and collapse. Every couple are unique and reflect the special model for them, so instead of comparison with others improves the couple to focus on areas of strength they have and the positive potential of the investment they have effectively to add more happiness to their lives.
It must be emphasized that what you see from others at public events is only part of their personalities do not necessarily represent the full form for them; as if they are some shortcomings as us, so should not drift any of the spouses for comparison with the stated figures of others at the expense of his marriage where there are aspects of the luminous radiate to others, and the need of the couple discovered and invested.
The third rule: Accept the other partner as it is, not as I want:
Is trying to adapt to married life; - to make them more serenity and happiness for both parties - one of the important indicators in the success of married life. Valharik who wants to be his partner in a marital relationship is applicable to the ideas portrayed in his mind that shaped his mind in his dreams live Rosary suffering deprivation if the other partner is not as drawn to him in advance. To get out of this impasse For the two partners to draw up pitching their eyes that they grew up among the different social and living conditions of each and every one of them formed a pattern of his personality in a different way from the other, so the cohabitation gentle persuasion with the other partner sponsor, after reconciling God Almighty, closer views between them.
Fourth rule: choose the appropriate times of the dialogue:
What يزهق most marital dialogues and it is successful and is able to absorb the problems that fall between the spouses is the failure of both spouses or one of them to choose the right time for dialogue. Dialogue is the art must learn a party to the relationship, a craft and a skill you need to practice and training. We can not expect a successful dialogue when one of the parties is tired or suffering from psychological or social pressure or other. As to the method of dialogue him manners and arts improves upon the parties know like good listen, and not to raise the voice talk and focus on a specific issue and others.
Fifth rule: Consult opinion makers and neutrals:
When the dispute breaks out between the couple and be necessary, consult a people, it is better to consult a neutral person does not know the parties and has no interest bias for either of them. And neutral person with high level of technical skill is able to give the couple advice technical assistance to them which helps to contain disputes and the continuation of married life effectively.
Sixth rule: not to transfer their problems to their families:
The most serious threat to married life, and affects the stability is the transmission problems the couple outside the walls of the house, and especially to the parents, all Party Sathiz the son or daughter and becomes the subject of a dispute between the couple to the conflict can not be contained, or control it. We have already talked in the fifth rule that if it was necessary to talk about the differences between the spouses must have this talk with a neutral specialist.
Rule VII: willingness to make concessions:
Already pointed out that married life is a series of concessions from both sides, so you must provide each party to the other concessions to ensure continuously married life actors. Each Party shall not be waiver is believed to be the weakness of it, or reduce its value, but it is an important variable, and instrumental in establishing rules of love and affection and ten Virtue between spouses.
Eighth rule: not to ruminate previous problems:
Must be on both sides of the relationship when discussing the dispute broke out between them not to ruminate about the problems earlier so as not to turn the subject and the differences between them to the desire within each of them to take revenge from the other party, or liquidation of the accounts, and then the discussion and rumination problems earlier between the two sides may generate more hatred and enmity between them may lead to a lack of effective communication between them.
Ninth rule: respect the privacy of both parties:
Although married life is a partnership between the parties, and the integration of each in the other, except that it is necessary and essential for the continuation of the relationship effective between them to respect each and every one of them privacy of the other party, this respect for privacy means that allows each party space to another in order to have a personal act which including make him feel that he is not bound by or under the eye or under the control of the other partner, this privacy allows each exercise his quieter and more stable.
Tenth Rule: doubles link is shared between the spouses period:
Some couples tend to turn the old books to the other party before marriage and questioned him how his life was and practices which may generate them some aversion and spacing. The ends of the relationship must يرتبطا in their relationship since the beginning of the marriage and try to dive into too much detail for a previous link, and each party must respect the privacy and feelings of the other party.
Rule XI: respect for the rights of the other party:
The rights of each party to the marital relationship should be guaranteed and respected, and Islam has identified the rights of both parties and duties, in the case of infringement of any of the parties relating to the rights of the other party, that will be felt party victim, injustice, instability, and turns the marital life of oasis of stability to the path full of thorns.
Rule XII: Learn the art of bargaining:
Although our brand in the previous rule that both parties must respect the rights of others and observed only one end of the relationship may be beyond the practices and beyond
On the rights of the other party feels the aggressor upon injustice and pain. Many marital problems are due to lack of understanding of one of the parties to the relationship of how bargaining sound with the other party, marriage is the company between two parties must learn each party to negotiate proper to maintain his rights by the other party is not expected to donated to him, but learn how to negotiate with them from the outset per ten and affection and good technique.
Rule XIII: expand the viewing angle:
Many of the differences that occur between the parties to the marital relationship be partly due to a focus on small and the perception of non-inclusiveness. Although the differences occur between the parties to the marital relationship, but you should see this dispute from more than a corner and try to understand the development of the other partner, and the golden rule in this area is to put yourself in the other partner is trying to explain the situation through your understanding of the reasons for his behavior and will be wiser if you follow this method in overcoming the many obstacles wedlock.
Rule XIV: draw experience from previous positions:
Although the differences between the parties to the relationship a negative phenomenon and a worrying phenomenon for each of them but they usually ended conciliation and reconciliation, and return the parties to the relationship of natural life. So on both sides of the investment relationship such experiments and taking lessons from them for not continuing the previous problems herself and figure out the mechanisms and methods that lead to a happy family relationship.
Rule XV: enjoy the present and not to engage in the future:
Despite the importance of the future in the lives of each and every one of us, but the majority located in problems result thinking about the future, and not to deal with reality and present effectively, so on both sides of the relationship attention and thinking a little bit about the future, but with an emphasis on enjoying the present; It is not fear of the future ghost threatening behavior and nightmare haunts their dreams.
Rule XVI: Investment personal keys:
Every one of us in his character keys that others can invest if they know their nature, and how to deal with it, and is supposed to know all of the other couple's personal and citizens that are amenable to invest to confirm bonding and affection between them.
Rule XVII: remember the positive moments:
When different parties to the marital relationship, what controlled by the feelings and sensations at the time is the feeling of anger from the other party and remember negative attitudes with him, such feelings can not help in the convergence of views between the parties to the relationship, so For the parties to يتعودا to remember the moments and attitudes positive between the two that have already been bitter; as this is the best way paved for each of them to admit his mistake in front of the other, and complete the course of his life. The preoccupation remember negative moments between them will lead to more spacing between the parties does not solve the problem.
Rule XVIII: understand the circumstances surrounding the other party:
There is no doubt that the social conditions surrounding the person affect the temperament, and the way his dealings with others, the husband or wife may face difficulties and problems at work or life or with relatives, which is reflected on the perimeter of small family and on both sides of the relationship, and when they do not have the ends of the relationship (husband and wife) willingness to understand the conditions of the other party and to overcome some missteps resulting from social pressures and the surrounding environment to the individual, marital problems will continue and can not be eliminated. Each of the parties to the marital relationship should feel the importance of the other party and estimated the circumstances surrounding it and forgive him some shortcomings and gaffes That confirms the continuation of harmonic relationship between the parties.
Rule XIX: Learn the art of postponing some of the desires:
The determination to achieve all the demands of the other partner and urgency which could lead to widespread controversy and conflict between the two sides of the relationship. So on both sides of the relationship learn the art of postponing some of the desires and demands and choose the appropriate mechanism to request away from the urgency boring or clinging, which threatens the stability of the marital unit.
Twenty-Qaeda: flashes of marital happiness:
There are flashes and إشراقات occur in the life of every couple must be invested and make fuel which emphasizes interdependent. The married life continues and beyond a lot of difficulties when it puts all of the parties to the marital relationship in mind the firm desire to make all of his other party without waiting for the return, and without the goal is to wait for the tender of the other partner, it flashes devotee who gives without waiting for the corresponding from the other party, who feels that life is primarily responsible company and that success in these individual responsibility borne by the relationship is without the other and must be carried out and give all he has to make it a success.
And finally:
These rules are flashes indicators to both sides of the relationship investment and development in order to achieve marital happiness and makes wedlock housing and cover each
ليست هناك تعليقات:
إرسال تعليق